I am a walking zombie today. I don’t need brains for nourishment like normal zombies, instead I need them because I’m so tired that mine has seemed to fly out the window.

First let me warn you that this post may not have the normal off the cuff humor which you may have grown accustomed to.

I just got off the phone with my best friend from high school.
We haven’t spoken for about 7 months, since his birthday in May actually. When I got off the phone I couldn’t help but feel a deep sadness.

We have been best friends for close to 15 years. We’ve seen each other through many a golf tournament and relationships that have ended badly. He was there for me when I watched my boyfriend crash head on into another car which ultimately killed him; he was there when my dad was suffering from spinal meningitis and almost died. I was there when he struggled with moving out of his mom’s house and into his dad’s, when his first girlfriend ended up a little stalkerish after their breakup.
We have been everything best friends should be; the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, and the arms to hold.

I realized how far we have drifted apart. I got married, he got married (much to our parents dismay it was not to each other!) He started a family; I coped with it badly until I started a family. And it was at this point that our lives suddenly veered off on different paths. Which I guess is to be expected really. We live about 50 miles from one another, not that far in the grand scheme of things; but when you have a family and spouse you realize that you can’t just leave them so easily to go hang out with old friends. I just thought we would never grow this far apart. That the bond we have was so strong that we would always be close.

My friend just told me that he suffered a mental break down over the summer. A break down that ended his career and I knew nothing about it. I’m still at a loss as to why he didn’t call me. I would have been there in a heartbeat to do whatever I could to help him get through it. I found myself longing to be back in high school which is saying something. (I am one of the few that have so desire to relive those days. I mean really, pegged pants are not the fashion fad I want to do again.)

Our conversation consisted of idle chit chat. Stuff that you would talk about to an acquaintance not someone you have known for 15 years and surely not someone who holds a permanent claim to your heart.

As I sat staring at the phone once we had disconnected my mind flashed to all the times we’ve shared together. Not just the bad ones, but the really good ones as well, the ones that molded me into the person I would become. And he was there with me through them.

So my question to all my cyber readers…how do you mend a relationship that seems to have gone so far awry? Do you just chalk it up to life’s lessons or do you fight to regain that which you have lost?

It seems I have finally reached the pinnacle of womanhood. That point in a woman’s life when you either hang your head in sadness or attack it with a vengeance.
That’s right..I turn 30 in less than 4 hours.
I’m happy to say that I do not fall in the category of sadness, nor do I fall into attacking the number with a vengeance. Instead I shall just accept it; because really what other choice do I have.

I guess the only thing that worries me about turning 30 is that I will no longer be able to blame those stupid, immature things that I am prone to do on being in my 20’s. It seems that once you reach 30 there is a whole new height of responsibleness..Ok so that’s not really a word but give me a break I’m only in my 20’s! (SEE!)

I’m scared that I won’t live up to the expectations that people have of 30 year olds. I’m a stay at home mom who in order to get out of the house and keep her sanity, works part time as a 9-1-1 dispatcher. A mercilessly thankless job but it allows me to frolic amongst adults. I’m proud of what I have accomplished as a mother. My kids are well fed, and they are still breathing when their dad gets home at night, which frankly is a miracle sometimes. I feel like I am instilling great values in them, and the times I have at home with them I wouldn’t trade for the world.
But..Yes that’s a big BUT.. There is a part of me that wishes I was more successful. I would love to be able to do something at home that later in life my children can say “WOW! Look at what Mom did while she was raising us!”

Alright, so thank you for attending my pity party. Please help yourself to the our cocktail bar where we will be serving cranberry juice with a side of vodka and also partake in the mound of comfort chocolate.