Confessions of a Wal-Mart bathroom

The day was like any other.

What to do with the kids during a crisp fall day? My answer was of course going to Wal-Mart to spend some money because I can single handedly bring this country out of its recession. (If I was given all the money to do so!) And since I can’t afford to go to the nice expensive stores, Wal-Mart was my destination.

I decided it was the day to browse since I really didn’t need anything and, let’s be frank; even though I would love to spend gobs of money, I just don’t have the resources to do so. I mean hello! I write a blog in lieu of any formal entertainment!

I was checking out the clearance rack in the boys section when my boy mentions, “I need to go poop.” Being the good mother I am and always encouraging my son to listen to his body, I respond, “Can you hold it?”

Of course all I received in response was a firm nod “no.”

So off we went. My youngest in the cart and the boy trotting closely behind with a pucker factor of 7. It was pretty funny watching him waddle after me. Luckily we weren’t too far from the restroom.

We pulled up outside the door and I unbuckled the girl and the boy went in ahead. We were fortunate enough that the large stall was empty so in we went. The boy frantically got his pants undone and then needed help getting up on the seat. My mission for the next few minutes while he did his business was to keep the girl from touching anything disgusting. Like say the floor! Yep, she likes to peek under the wall and see who is in the stall next door.

It was music to my ears for the boy to finally say, “I’m done!” We took care of the dirty stuff and then were getting ready to walk out to wash our hands when Ian became mesmerized with what was in the bowl. You see, our Wal-Mart has self flushing toilets. When the sensor sees nothing in front of it, it flushes. Since there were so many of us in the stall it hadn’t flushed yet and the boy was able to take a look inside. And boy, he couldn’t believe what he saw.

“Look at that Mommy!”…”That’s the biggest poopy I’ve ever seen!”…”Do you think Daddy has poops that big?!”

This of course was exclaimed in his “outside” voice and I was quickly trying to hush him much to the enjoyment of several other ladies that had joined us in the restroom.
The real kicker was that the boy’s excitement brought his younger sister to his side and she could be heard making “oooh” and “ahhh” sounds. I believe the word “wow” was even used.

Now in all honesty, the boy had produced something pretty impressive for a 3 year old ,but seriously does every Wal-Mart shopper want or need to know about it?

And so the toilet finally flushed and we ALL washed our hands; as we left I said the only thing that would take the image of my son’s “big” poops out of their minds.

“Son, your Daddy has poops that the toilet can’t even choke down.”

The chuckles of our fellow restroomers followed us out the door.

Comments

  1. My son is 9 and big poops still impress him!

  2. Heather says:

    I have three boys, and trust me when I say that poop will be a companion (in a weird, okay and completely hygienic way) for years to come. Poop is the dominant form of humor in the house hold, you see. That, then farting and then peeing. I let them make jokes, unless it gets out of control. I can totally relate to your Walmart saga, and would have totally cracked up at the commentary!!

  3. Karlana says:

    This is sad to say, but I have a 27 year old brother who is still astonished at how big his logs can get. To the disgusting dismay of myself, I get random picks of logs the toilet will refuse to flush without the necessity of nine flushes before success. But I love him, even with his poo inclinations.

    Well, I probably would have made some smart remark like that walking out the door, especially if husband was right outside the door waiting. LOL

  4. That’s hilarious!

    You know how some people look for shapes in the clouds? My second oldest son looks for shapes in his poops and likes to proclaim them rather loudly as well.

  5. Emily Retherford says:

    OMG this was hilarious!!! I was was dying laughing. I’ve only read 1 post and totally just subscribed!

    Emily
    Mama and Hustler???
    My Mommy Chronicles
    Blah-Zay

  6. Sherrie says:

    LOL! That’s so funny. My DS, 5, likes to call us in to “check out my poop.” LOL! Kids are so fun…especially boys!

  7. Emily Retherford says:

    BTW… I also left you an award here stop by and pick it up!

    Emily
    Blah-Zay
    Mama and Hustler???
    My Mommy Chronicles

  8. melissa says:

    omg…your last line…just killed me…seriously…i’m DYING!!!

  9. Thank you. That was probably the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Yes. It definitely was!

    ~Erin
    Twitter: @erinjeany
    ejsmomej[at]gmail[dot]com
    http://ejsmomej.blogspot.com/

  10. LOL too funny! Kids…honestly! Well, at least you were impressed too 🙂
    Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom´s last blog post ..More winners at Eighty MPH Mom

  11. OMG that is too funny. I’m not sure I would have thought of your remark back to him, but it’s true in our house too!
    Louise´s last blog post ..Stop MRSA Now Equip Them Well Sweepstakes and Giveaway

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  1. […] your Daddy has poops that the toilet can’t even choke down.” – said in a Wal-mart bathroom after my son had a complete conversation with me about his […]

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