Toot’n the Horn

I should know better. I’ve been with the man for 10 years, most of which we’ve even lived together.

And now I hang my head down in shame, I am not worthy of my woman kind. I have made a cardinal error, something that all wives know never, EVER to do. I’m so distraught and angry at myself that I’m now rethinking even starting this post in the first place.

Ok, fine! I can’t take your judging eyes any longer….

I FED MY HUSBAND SUPER HOT & SPICY CHILI!! *slumps shoulders*

Now really, I know not to do this. I have been kept up a countless number of nights due to not only the pungent aroma that is emitting from his derriere, but the decibel breaking sounds that come out.
Have you heard of the “brown note?” It’s a note that was supposedly used as a weapon in the military. It’s so loud and low that apparently it makes a person need to change their pants. The sound that comes out of my husband is loving referred to as the “light brown note” because it doesn’t just stop with one from him. It’s like once it escapes there is no turning back.

How else could I describe it???… Ok how is this, picture a tugboat tooting its horn in the harbor; got it? Now imagine that the harbor is foggy and that little tugboat can’t find its way back to the dock. It toots it’s little horn and what should answer…the long, LOUD, blow from the lighthouse fog horn. If something were to happen to the lighthouse, my husband could fill in; just put a light-bulb on his head.

UGH! So last night as we are in bed, my hubby falls asleep quickly while I stay up to not only enjoy the quiet of the house (except for his snoring), but get some writing done as well.
Suddenly, I hear a high pitched squeak come from under the covers. I am utterly surprised by this but then realize that I can’t move. Even the slightest shifting of the blankets will cause the green, permeating, stench to escape. I sat there still with my eyes wide with horror. Then the other shoe dropped, the fog horn came to life. I could feel my mouth gape open, after what seemed like 10 minutes I was once again surrounded by silence. My mind was running rampant and then quickly shut down. The only thing left was the hilarity of it.

I couldn’t quell the laughter as it bubbled to my lips. I giggled uncontrollably for a while before I realized that I wasn’t the only one laughing, my hubby was as well. His butt trumpet had woken himself up!

It will be a long, long, long, LLLLLLOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG, time before I make chili again!

photo credit : tsuacctnt

Comments

  1. Ha – That is funny. Perhaps you need a “fart” barrier (aka row of pillows under covers to keep the stench from getting to you) hahaha

    Men, what is it with farting in their sleep?? 🙂
    ~K

  2. To funny, thanks for the LOL! 🙂

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