Life is like that isn’t it? You have joy and pain, then sometimes sunshine and rain.
On June 12th my husband and I found out we were expecting our 3rd child. It was a complete shock and one that I have to admit I was not too happy about.
When the ambulance arrived it seemed like I was in a whirl-wind. Blood pressure was 65 over virtually nothing. My pulse faint. I was rushed to the emergency room and immediately surrounded by more doctors, nurses and interns than I have ever seen.
In what seemed like hours, but wasn’t, I had an ultrasound to look at the bleeding and my wonderful doctor strolled in to take charge. Once she arrived it took but 15 minutes to get me prepped and headed to the operating room.
I awoke in a whole new world. The physical pain was gone and my head didn’t feel as if it was floating 10 feet above my body.
In order to raise my blood pressure, and due to the amount I lost, I was given a blood transfusion. It took 8 more hours in the hospital before I was released and allowed to go home. I fell into bed exhausted and was instantly overtaken by sleep.
When I woke up I was swollen and empty.
And then the real bombshell hit me. The awareness that in addition to losing a baby, I had been close to losing my life. When I looked at my 2 beautiful living children I broke into tears. Tears that were mixed with grief and happiness. With those tears a new pain developed. An ache in my chest that is a constant memory of what I lost and came close to losing.
Thankfully, I am blessed with a wonderfully supportive family and even more supportive friends. For a full week after my ordeal my family was provided meals and I was provided with arms to hug me, shoulders to cry on, and ears to listen.
Sadly, it took this tragedy in my life for me to realize how glorious God has been to me. I fully expect never to understand the WHY to this time in my life but I will also never question the love God has for me. I have been heard several times telling people that it was on that day that I truly felt I was in God’s hands and they were comforting, soft, and warm.
Physically I am happy to report that I am well but I am not 100%. I still battle with the ache in my heart that seems to strike me at odd and sometimes inopportune times. To be honest, I will gladly live with that ache for the rest of my life. It will enable me to never forget the lessons I learned and the sweet baby that was perhaps just too wonderful to come to earth just yet.
Who would have thought that a couple of days before I saw the pictures of our living “bean” I would have read this inside a Chinese fortune cookie:
Nothing could have been closer to the truth.
Read all the posts through my journey HERE.