I waited a lot time to be a mom.
If you are a frequent reader than you know that it took Hubs and I almost 4 years before we were blessed with our son. I couldn’t wait for that moment. Like most first time moms I had visions of grandeur. You know what I’m talking about. The perfect child who would sleep through the night as a baby and be well behaved as they got older. My days would be filled with words such as “Oh sweetheart, you don’t need to pick up toys yet;” and “What’s that? You’re going to bed now? But it’s only 5:30!”
Boy, weren’t those a delusion!
Instead I’m left with the top 5 things I never thought I would say as a mother.
- “If you just let me sleep for 3 hours I will buy you a car on your 10th birthday! Okay make it your 5th!” – said to a screaming 6 week old when he couldn’t seem to sleep longer than an hour at any given time.
- “Stop eating the dog food!” – I don’t know if it was because it was kinda salty or what, (yes i ended up trying a piece to figure out what the attraction was,) but my kid would quietly sneak to the dogs dish to grab a little snack.
- “If you keep doing that your friends at school are going to call you ‘Booger,'” – after a day of watching him endlessly picking his nose and eating it during sports camp. Every picture I took from that day he’s missing a finger because it up his nose.
- “Don’t pull on your penis that hard!” – said during bath time when he was about a year and a half old and thought his penis was pull string.
- “Son, your Daddy has poops that the toilet can’t even choke down.” – said in a Wal-mart bathroom after my son had a complete conversation with me about his poop.
Who says motherhood isn’t glamorous??