Right..the most wonderful time of the year.

I dread December.

Not because it often mean endless shopping. Not because it’s another time to get together with family and with it will come family drama. Not because I dislike the cold or the weather.

Although, I tell people those are the reasons.

It’s because this is the time of year when an impasse is met. It’s when my heart and mind finally come together and say, “Look. We can’t put on a happy face anymore. We need a break to be able to process, learn and heal.” It’s the time of year that I realize that I am tired. Exhausted in fact.

And of course it’s the time of year when I need that facade more than any other time.

When all should be rosy, cheerful, and happy, I would gladly hide in my room watching sappy Lifetime movies.

Instead I have to somehow dig extremely deep and find any ounce of will power I have to show my kids that this is in fact the most happiest time of the year. I have to scrape together the energy to shop for presents when I find no joy in it, plaster that smile on my face that doesn’t quite reach my eyes, and bake cookies, do crafts, pretend to have fun.

So when and if you see me sans children and I look exhausted you really don’t have to tell me. I know I am. But also know that when you ask me if everything is “ok” I’m going to answer yes. We both know it’s not the truth but I’m hoping if I say it out loud enough it will come true.

Above all else, bear with me. I’m doing the best I can.

Comments

  1. HUG Tina!

    The rain and gloomy doesn’t help matters at all!

  2. Tina, I can so relate! I was at my lowest of lows two Christmases ago. It sucked. Last year was a bit better…this year is hard again. I can’t seem to find my enthusiasm. I want to be happy because this is suppose to be a fun time of year. I have hated shopping for the last 2 years…online has been my friend. I just want you to know you are not alone. Hang in there girl! We will pull through!
    Tammy´s last blog post ..Aloha Friday Holiday Baking

  3. Tina, I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time. Know that I am thinking of you and hoping this valley passes quickly.
    Love you
    J
    jolina´s last blog post ..Barbie Cake

  4. I can somehow relate to you. Whenever Christmas season arrives, there is always that feeling of sadness and being down that gets into my system. But, I learned to coped up with it with the help of my family. Now, whenever I feel it, I usually divert myself into something fun to do to help relax my mind. Just hang in there.:-)

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