I’m a Pancake

Buttermilk Pancakes
Recently I was interviewed about my new commitment to lead a healthier lifestyle.

During the interview it was mentioned that women who begin workout out and lose weight often become pregnant by surprise. I was then asked how I would react if that happened to me.

I’m still in denial about wanting more kids. My hubs has voiced his thoughts and I completely understand his reasoning. I have just put the thought on the back burner of my mind.

I answered with the first thing that popped into my head. It’s unlikely it would happen but if it did we would handle it then.

Once the interview ended I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. That simple, innocent question opened up and shook out a ton of other questions.

What if I DID get pregnant? How would the hubs react? Would my emotion be able to handle it? Forget my emotions, would my body be able to hand it? After all, it had rejected our last baby.

These questions lead to the scrutiny of my body. How far away is the start of my cycle? Are those premenstrual cramps or something else?

When I take a break from ponding those I’m consumed with analyzing the reason I’m wondering all these things. Is it because I do want to be pregnant, or am I looking for clues to reassure me that I’m not?

And then I hit the question that worries me the most.

Are these thoughts setting me up for a tale spin back into the depression I’ve worked so hard to claw my way out of?

Funny how a simple, innocent question can wreak such havoc.

Comments

  1. Stacie Shaver says:

    It is true, a simple question can have a lasting impact. It is you, though, that gets to choose what that impact is. You, with the help of God, can use that question to generate a healthy response. You have worked so hard, and you are a strong woman… I know that God will guide you through this question and its resulting questions…, as He did through your depression.

  2. Oh, Tina. Such a hard thing – I can literally not begin to imagine. My wife and I *decided* to not have more children and I got the old snip snip. That was a year ago, after two+ years of talking about it. She still gets upset when she finds out a friend is pregnant.

    I’m sorry to know that you are going through all of this again – I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. You are a wonderful mom, step-mom, wife and friend. Keep those things in mind, always.

    • Thank you so much Rob.. Your support and friendship has meant so much to me. I’ll fight kicking and screaming before I let myself fall into the place I was just last year, but I know I’ll still feel twinges of pain and remorse an inopportune times..

  3. Tina, I think you and I have a lot in common….

    I fight my weight and have to make a conscious effort every morning not to let depression enter my life again. Especially since I went off all meds in July…hated how they made me feel. Thanks for being so honest on your blog. You have no idea how many people you are encouraging…thank you for that! 🙂
    Tammy´s last blog post ..Valentine Fun Day Six Faith Hill True Fragrance Giveaway

  4. Elizabeth says:

    No look there is only room for one pancake and position gas already been filled! We both can’t go through this at the sane time!
    Elizabeth´s last blog post ..Who is smarter then a 2nd Grader What is this

  5. AH, Dear TIna, You have given me hope that staying sedentary and out of shape is a good thing….LOVE you for it ;D
    Debbie´s last blog post ..Monday Mingle 2-7-11

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