During the interview it was mentioned that women who begin workout out and lose weight often become pregnant by surprise. I was then asked how I would react if that happened to me.
I’m still in denial about wanting more kids. My hubs has voiced his thoughts and I completely understand his reasoning. I have just put the thought on the back burner of my mind.
I answered with the first thing that popped into my head. It’s unlikely it would happen but if it did we would handle it then.
Once the interview ended I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. That simple, innocent question opened up and shook out a ton of other questions.
What if I DID get pregnant? How would the hubs react? Would my emotion be able to handle it? Forget my emotions, would my body be able to hand it? After all, it had rejected our last baby.
These questions lead to the scrutiny of my body. How far away is the start of my cycle? Are those premenstrual cramps or something else?
When I take a break from ponding those I’m consumed with analyzing the reason I’m wondering all these things. Is it because I do want to be pregnant, or am I looking for clues to reassure me that I’m not?
And then I hit the question that worries me the most.
Are these thoughts setting me up for a tale spin back into the depression I’ve worked so hard to claw my way out of?
Funny how a simple, innocent question can wreak such havoc.