My kids are 4, 6, 19, and 20. No, the older two didn’t enter this world from me, but they have still helped me learn what it means to be a mom. Quite possibly it is what they taught me about being a mother that has impacted me the most.It’s easy to love children that you give birth to, it’s a completely different story when it comes to sharing children with another mother.
In a way, my older girls and I grew up together. There are only 12 years between my oldest and I. When we began our journey together we were both in that phase of our lives when it was all about us. Sure, we got along, but I didn’t realize the relationship I had with their dad wasn’t all about me. I know there were many times when I put my husband in the awkward position of choosing between them and me. I was an immature 22 year old and wish now I could turn back time and change my behavior.
By the time my girls were teenagers, shortly before they graduated high school, I grew out of that phase. My oldest and I butted heads much like I did with my mom growing up. Of course, I didn’t realize it then, but it was because we were so much darn a like.
My youngest oldest and I had a much more open relationship. We talked more, we shared more, there are things my husband doesn’t know about her that I do. It just really shows you how different the relationship can be between you and each of your kids.
After 10 years of having them in my life I knew that I loved them, but I also knew that I didn’t love them in the same way as I did my kids. The kids I carried for 9 months.
I often considered that perhaps I loved them differently because I didn’t love them as much.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
My girls have both moved out of the house now and are living their own lives. I look at the young women they have become and it’s hit me how proud I am of them.
My oldest got married just 2 weeks after graduation. I’d be lying if I said I was thrilled when this happened, but she followed her heart and proved me wrong. They are happy and what more could a mom ask for.
My youngest oldest found a job, went to school for 2 terms, and then decided she wanted a change of scenery. She put in a transfer at her job, and moved to California. She has been homesick sure, but she is having an adventure and making her history.
I understand now that I don’t love my girls in the same way I love my younger kids, but then no mother can say they love their kids in the same way because not only is each child different, your journey with them is different.
I may not have given birth to these girls but they are mine. They will always be my daughters, I will always be proud of them, and I will always love them.