Celebrating the Small Victories

With roughly 65 more days to go until we are reunited with the Hubs, we have all hit our limit it seems.

small victoriesThe kids and I have been fighting with eachother almost everyday. Our patience has reached a limit. They miss their daddy and I miss my husband.

During the first 50 days of our separation I’ve realized that I have been sabotaging these days that I have with my kids. These days that could prove to be very bonding for the three of us. These days that will help make or break this huge move that we have ahead of us.

When I started running a couple years ago my self talk was SO negative that I was essentially talking myself out of having a good run. I was essentially doing the same thing with this current situation.

Each day was filled with an inner dialogue about how I hated not having my husband home. How it was too hard to be mom, dad, disciplinarian, nurturer, and everything else in between. How either the kids or I weren’t going to survive. (This was more of a joke, but in full honesty there were days when I thought this was a possiblity.)

Last week I hit a breaking point. After one particularly terrible night which ended in tears for everyone involved, I finally became aware of the negative dialogue I was having with myself everyday. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I had turned into a mother who wasn’t enjoying her kids. I wasn’t finding joy in the little things that happened everyday, instead I was focusing on all the terrible things that became so much bigger because that was all I allowed myself to see.

I can’t thank God enough for opening my eyes to what was going on. Since Monday of this week I have ended each day with a list of the small victories that we have had. These range from a morning without arguing before school to accomplishing a task that my husband usually takes care of. In just two days of doing this there has already been a turn around in attitudes for everyone in the house. The kids and I are laughing more. Hugging more.

I’m not wearing rose colored glasses. I know that there may be days when it’s hard to find even one small victory to celebrate, but I will find it. I think it is important to find it. And I encourage all of you to do the same. Start today, before you go to bed post on Facebook, Twitter, or write in a journal at least one small victory from your day. It’s my hope that by the time my husband is reunited with the rest of our family we will all have a more positive outlook and be in a much better position to overcome whatever obstacles may face us in the next four years as we are thousands of miles away from our loved ones.



Losing Joy

Had you asked me just a month ago what it was like to be a parent I would have told you it’s AMAZING! I mean sure, it has it’s ups and downs, but nothing is anything like being a mother.

But now, one month in a 4 months stretch of living 2800+ away from my husband, parenting is starting to lose it’s joy.

Let me preface the rest of this post to say that single parents, I give you MAD props. I know you struggle just like the rest of us, the difference, you most often do not have a backup to ease some of the pressure of parenting 24/7. I commend you greatly for your determination and dedication to your children.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being by myself day in and day out.
I’m tired of being the only one my kids have to come to when they need something, which seems to be every second of every day that they are not in school.
I’m tired of looking forward to them going to school each day and giving me those 6 hours of peace and quiet.
I’m tired of being both the disciplinarian and the nurturer.
Most of all, I’m tired of feeling this way.
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Coping with #BackToSchool Blues

back to school mom bluesToday was supposed to be about celebrating.

Celebrating the fact that both my kids are in school ALL day!
Celebrating all the time I will have to myself without hearing, “Mom, Mom, Momma, Mommy..”
Celebrating being able to sit in my office and ACTUALLY get work done!

Guess what?

That didn’t happen.

Instead, this morning after I made my kids a special 1st Day of School breakfast, after I supervised them getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair, taking the obligatory pictures (which I have included for your viewing pleasure,) and after walking both kids to their classrooms, meeting their teachers and helping them settle in, I felt less than celebratory.

As I was leaving the parking lot I called my husband at work and told him I had just left both the kids at school, his reply, “And now you’re crying aren’t you?”
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